Customer Service Sucks

My husband and I have wanted a new bed for about 2 years now. Coincidentally, this was about 3 days after we bought our last bed.

I’m sure we’ve all been through it….buy something, get so excited about it, actually get it and use it, realize its crap.

Well, we finally broke down and got a new bed. Well, we didn’t exactly get a new bed, we ordered a new bed.

We ordered a new bed on August 6th.

It’s August 26th.

I still don’t have a new bed.

Isn’t it amazing the level of customer service you receive when you are a potential buyer? The salesman caters to your every whim, gives you gift certificates for free food and ice cream at the other stores in the mall, even offers to watch your screaming children while you decide between the 3000 and 5000 model.

And then you have a problem.

And. no. one. can. help. you.

Let me back up a bit.

My husband and I went to the select comfort store to buy a sleep number bed. He likes a firmer mattress; I prefer the cushy pillow top. We got a pillow top last time and now we are left with a mattress that resembles something to the effect of two shallow ditches on either side of small hill. Not exactly comfortable. So no pillow top this time.

This time we decided on a sleep number bed. The beauty of comfort at the push of a button.

Except I have no button. Because I have no mattress.

Well, I could have had a mattress today. The wrong mattress.

When the delivery guy got here today he brought me two twins. I ordered a King.

So tonight once again, while I wait on the customer service gods to smile down on me, I will climb into my shallow ditch and fight all night against the small hill beside me every time I try to roll over in my sleep.

Because customer service sucks!

5 Months

I just realized that it has been 5 months since I last posted.....5 months!!!

Geesh! Time flies when you're busy.

Here's a brief synopsis of what I have done over the past 5 months:

1. Gave notice to my boss who offered me a 15K raise to stay. Turned him down.
2. Interviewed 52 people for my boss to find a replacement. Individuals were turned away for the following reasons (by him, not me):

a. Too fat
b. Too thin
c. Too old
d. Too young
e. Too blonde
f. Too dark
g. Fingernails were too “squared”
h. Too hard
i. Too tall
j. Too short
k. Had a moustache (female)
l. Looked too “manly”
m. Too professional looking
n. Not professional enough
o. Not pretty enough
p. Too pretty
q. Seems “strange”
r. Seems too nice
s. Not nice enough
t. Eyebrows were too thick
u. Wasn’t married
v. Didn’t have kids
w. Had too many kids
x. Too “ethnic”
y. Too bookish
z. Not me

3. Worked until the day before I actually moved and the packers were already at the house.

4. Moved from Pennsylvania to Florida.

5. Got a new job (Director of Human Resources, thank you very much!)

6. Husband deployed.

7. Dealing with full-time job, part-time (online) job and two kids alone.

8. One child has chronic diarrhea (this may be the worst item on the list).

So that’s about it. That’s what I’ve done the past 5 months. Now I’m here and settled and hopefully life will regain some normalcy. We shall see.

Hopefully, I’ll keep you posted.

Hello...

I realize that I have been absent and unaccounted for. And I appreciate all one of you who emailed me to see how I was. (Thanks, Shar)

Things have been rather hectic. I have been interviewing to fill my position here at work. It's really strange to look people in the face and ask them questions about their past knowing that they are going to be taking your job.

I am probably not the best person to interview these people because none of them will ever live up to my expectations. Not that I am so great, but in my mind I am! And there IS NO COMPETITION!

So, I'm still here. Just busy interviewing, working, cleaning my house to put on the market, and being a mommy.

Keep checking on me though. I'll be back!

Oscar Report

I have tried to resist....

...but I can't.

I must post about it.

The Oscars.

Now, I usually love the Oscars, but this year was ridiculous. I am so sick of Hollywood (aka Liberal Actors) strutting around and spouting off about how they are the voice of the people.

Ummm….how many gay cowboys do you know?

….or what about sympathetic terrorists?

….or effeminate gay writers?

….or racist cops?

Okay, maybe we all know a racist cop, but seriously….what is up with the nominated movies?

Did anyone even see any of them?

And I am even afraid to get started about the original song category, but here goes:

The pimp song won??!!! The Academy actually voted for that song to win??!!! Why?

Why?

Why?

Okay, stop asking ‘why’ Sherri.

Anyway, not only did that song suck, it was an embarrassment.

And what about the “In the Deep” song from Crash?

The set was full of burning cars that I assume were meant to simulate an accident and all the people were moving in slow motion. Instead of creating the intended drama the designers of this piece only succeeded in reminding me of the ‘Dawn of the Dead’ movie I saw when I was seventeen. I was giggling shouting out, “Brains. Brains!!!” in my living room.

But I was happy that Reese Witherspoon won. That was about it.

BBRRRrrrrrr

Apparently, satan is busy working on his triple loop, double loop combination for the next winter olympics.

Why, you ask?

Because, I, yes, me, Sherri, woke up early to.....gasp....exercise this morning.

And I fully intend to do it tomorrow.

Where is this insanity coming from?

It may have something to do with the mix of balmy beaches and a bikini looming in my near future.

Scary.

Personal DNA

I saw this on PreppyGirl's blog and thought it was interesting.

Here are my results:

Encouraging Creator

Your imagination, confidence, willingness to explore, and appreciation of beauty make you a CREATOR.

You are independent, and you enjoy your self-sufficiency.

Defying convention, you are very innovative, and you have a vivid imagination.

The look of things is important to you, and you have a keen eye for aesthetic beauty in multiple arenas.

You have a strong interest in what is new and exciting—and that includes forging ahead with new ideas, not simply discovering what is already out there.

Your eagerness to seek new and varied experiences leads you into many different situations.

You're not set on one way of doing things, and you are creative when it comes to finding novel solutions to complex problems.

You trust yourself to be innovative and resourceful.

Your confidence allows you to take your general awareness and channel it into creativity.

Your independent streak allows you to make decisions efficiently and to trust your instincts

Your outgoing nature, understanding of others, and directness make you ENCOURAGING.

You want others to do well for themselves, and you generally believe in their abilities.

You often know what's good for people because of your caring nature and your worldview.

When you care about someone, you don't keep it to yourself: you are good at letting people know that you're thinking of them.

Because you trust people, you take violations of that trust very seriously.

You thrive in large groups of people, and even though you know who you like and who you don't like, you can interact well with many different types of people.

You have a healthy respect for people who have earned what they have, and you strive to be similar to successful others.

You are a loyal friend, and a good listener.

Annoying

As I stated before, I have given up coffee for a while. I haven’t had a cup since Friday. I feel that I may be weakening. One of the major signs is how easily annoyed I am right now. Example:

I HATE when I see fake bullet hole stickers on cars or those baseballs that look like they are lodged in the window and the window is shattered. Especially when they are on minivans. I drive a minivan and it just PISSES ME OFF!

Why?

Not really sure.

Do I have the right to be so easily annoyed? Apparently not. At least to my husband, that is.

He tells me all the time how difficult and annoying I can be. Here are some lovely examples:

My husband always tells me not to leave my military ID in my car because someone might steal it. I like leaving it in the car because I always have to get it out of my purse when I drop the kids off and it’s a pain.

I told my husband, “Don’t worry about it. No one will see my ID. It’s under all the money I have in my car for tolls on the turnpike.”

He just stares at me and shake his head.

See….I’m annoying.

Then there’s my singing. Whenever something happens that puts a song in my head I MUST sing it.

We were at Walmart looking for some T-shirts for Charlie. I picked up a new Power Rangers T-shirt and said, “Hey Charlie, look!”

And then I began to sing, “Here come the Power Rangers, here come the Power Rangers, here come the Power Rangers, MYSTIC FORCE!!”

And again, my husband stares at me and this time quietly but urgently says, “Stop. Just stop it.”

I am annoying.

But I don’t care.

So I guess all those people with their fake bullets holes and baseball attacked broken windows are allowed to be annoying too.

Maybe.

Still Busy

Okay.

So I’m REALLY supposed to be working, but you all have been neglected for far too long. It’s just that there isn’t enough time. NO TIME!!!

I am too busy. Two kids, a dog, a husband who travels for work, a job, a long commute, and a fish. (I think it’s the fish that pushed me over the edge.)

I literally wake up at 5am and don’t have a minute for myself until 7:30pm. And by then I’m too tired. Right now I am “working”. But it’s all for you people. So if I get fired….send me money.

This whole issue about not enough time wasn’t such a big deal until I saw Martha Stewart making nachos and it pissed me off. Let me explain.

Pre-Superbowl, I’m watching some stupid “makethesegreatSuperbowlsnacks” show and Martha Stewart is explaining how to make nachos. (See….Pre-Superbowl!!! See how behind I am???)

Apparently, it is a travesty when you eat the top layer of chips with all the gooey cheese and stuff on them and then underneath all that’s left is……gasp!.....chips.

So, to be a better person, like Martha, you have to specially prepare each chip.

That’s right. Each individual nacho chip should be slathered with refried beans, sprinkled with cheese, and then showered with tomatoes prior to being put into a 350 degree oven.

When the hell am I supposed to find time to decorate individual nacho chips?

Really Martha, my husband is lucky to get a bag of Tostitos and a jar of cheese thrown at him.

Who the hell are you to tell me to individually decorate my nacho chips?

Go to hell. I hate you.

So anyway, as I was saying…..Martha Stewart pissed me off.

Because I don’t have enough time.

And that’s NOT a good thing.

P.S. I have not had a cup of coffee since Friday because I am vainly trying to whiten my teeth, so I am extremely bitchy….comment appropriately! You have been warned.

We've Come A Long Way!

1954 Popular Mechanics -

Text in picture:

Scientists from the RAND Corporation have created this model to illustrate how a "home computer" could look like in the year 2004. However the needed technology will not be economically feasible for the average home. Also the scientists readily admit that the computer will require yet invented technology to actually work, but 50 years from now scientific progress is expected to solve these probelms. With teletype interface and the Fortran language, the computer will be easy to use.

Ummm....I just want to know what the steering wheel is for? Explain that one.

I'm here! I'm here!

What?

I'm here.

Thanks to those of you who reached out to let me know you missed me. I've missed me to.

Seriously. Being crazy busy ain't fun.

Anywhoo...I have two recents events that I thought I'd share with you that are somewhat humorous to me.

First.....

THE TOMATO DRAMA!

My coworker called and ordered lunch. I requested turkey club, no tomato. Not that difficult, right?

Apparently it is.

Ten minutes later the restaurant called back. My coworker comes to me and says, "Sherri, you're never going to believe this, but the restaurant is on the phone and they said that they can't take the tomato off of your sandwich."

I thought she was pulling my leg so I went to the phone. Sure enough it was the restaurant.

"Hello," I said. "Is there something wrong with my order?"

"Uh, yes. We can't make your sandwich with no tomato," the restaurant guy replied.

"And why is that?" I asked.

"We already have the sandwiches made in the morning."

"So you can't just take the tomato off?" I asked.

"No," he replied. "You would have to call the day before and put in your order."

What??? All this for no tomato!

"Let me get this straight. You're telling me that you can't take the sandwich, take off the top piece of bread, remove the tomato, and replace the bread?"

*big sigh* "Hold on," he said.

He comes back to the phone.

"Okay. I talked to the girl. She said she'd do it."

WTF?

Is it some major event to remove a tomato from a sandwich? And how the hell am I supposed to know what I want for lunch tomorrow? And thanks for letting me know that your crappy sandwiches are pre-made. I won't be eating there again!

Next was.....

VENDING MACHINE FAUX PAS!

I went down to the vending machine and the vending machine guy was filling it. I picked out a candy bar, went to give him my money and he said,"Don't worry about it. Let me buy you one."

Great! I thanked him and went upstairs.

As I was walking by another employees desk I said, "It's great to go to the vending machine when the guy is filling it. You get free stuff!"

"What?" she replies. "I was just down there and I didn't get anything for free."

Oops.

There was this awkward silence as we both gave each other the once over and silently realized why I got something for free and she didn't.

Nothing else was said.

So that's what's been going on. Not much. Just crazy busy work, stupid restaurant employees and me putting my foot in my mouth. Just a normal day.

Busy

Ohmigod, Ya'll. I am SO BUSY!

Seriously.

I have not forgotten you.

My boss has determined that I don't do enough work. Apparently, sweating because you are working so hard at a desk job, taking 5 minutes for lunch, and doing the amount of work that 3 people would do is not proof enough that you are busy. Therefore, I must take on additional tasks.

And get phone calls at home.

At 10pm.

From my boss.

Asking me about luggage allowances for his trip to Hawaii.

So anyway, as I said.....I'm busy.

I still love you all and am missing you.

I'll be back soon. My aforementioned boss will be on vacation next week, so I'll have a little time then.

Don't forget me!

~S

Still Here

Contrary to the rumors going around about my abduction by aliens, being sold into white slavery run by a Colombian drug lord, or joining the circus, the sad truth is that my absence is due to the boring fact that I have been busy.

Just busy.

Boring.

But I suppose abduction by aliens or being sold into slavery in Colombia wouldn't be much fun.

But the circus might.

Oh well.

I'll try to thrill you with something interesting on Monday. :)

200! (...and Payback's a Bitch)

Well, this is it. Number 200!

Not only does this post have the distinction of being number 200 it also marks one of those rare moments when I go to give someone their payback....and man, ain't it a bitch!

Remember that nasty salesman that called me and his rude Joe Pesci comment? Well another representative of his company called today. And I just happened to have rude salesman's name down in my phone log. And I just happened to ask the new representative if he knew him. And he just happens to be the boss of rude salesman. And I just happened to relay to him how very rude, rude salesman was. And new representative was very upset and concerned. :)

Ahhhh.....revenge IS a dish best served cold!

Mom

I don't know if most of you know this, but my Mom reads this everyday. Sometimes I think I should censor my posts, but I figure she already knows the type of person I am so not much I could write would surprise her.

We spoke on the phone earlier today and she asked me how to post a comment. Mom's generation isn't very computer savvy, so I gave her the quick run down and she said she might post a comment every now and then....she said she wasn't sure if she should.

My Mom says she likes to read this because it makes her feel close to me. She lives in Mississippi while I am in Pennsylvania. She also said that she enjoys all of your comments and that she thinks I have "a lot of real nice friends on the internet."

So all of you, please take a moment and say "hi" to my Mom. She's definitely one of the nicest people I know. She puts up with me so she has to be.

Lunch Story

I really don’t like to criticize people…….

Oh who am I kidding? I live for it.

Anyway, I had some interesting experiences during my lunch break yesterday. So let the criticism begin!

I went to the mall to have the contacts in my boss’ old phone transferred to his new phone. Once I was done with that I figured it was time for lunch. I made my way down to the food court, ordered a salad and walked over to the cash register. While I’m waiting for the cashier to notice me I look back at the person in line behind me. It’s an older gentleman, probably around 60. He’s fairly nice looking for his age with snow white hair.

But….

His one distinguishing feature is the giant inch long hairs poking out of his nose. There was so much hair that you could have knitted a baby cap out of it. It was absolutely disgusting.

Now, I can understand the extra abundance of nose hair in say, a homeless person, or maybe someone in an impoverished country who doesn’t have money to invest in personal hygiene. But this guy was a business man. Expensive suit, quality overcoat, nice shoes.

It was nasty.

So I turn to the cashier who looks at me, glances at the man and looks back at me with wide eyes. I just give her the “I know, I know” look but remain silent so not to offend.

The cashier rings me up. “That’s $7.41.”

I hand her a ten dollar bill. She rings in the ten dollars. Her cash register shows that my change is $2.59. I give her a penny so I won’t get so much change. As soon as the penny hits her hand she freezes. She looks up at me and once again her eyes get wide. She doesn’t know what to do.

Finally, after much deliberation she hands me two dollar bills and two quarters.

“You owe me a dime,” I say to her.

“What?”

“You owe me a dime.”

“Ummm…..but you gave me a penny.”

“I know. And you owe me a dime.”

“Umm….okay.”

She hands me the dime.

Finally, I get back to my car. I want to get back to the office to eat my salad because by now I am starving. As I pull up to the light out of the mall parking lot I notice that car in front of me has a vanity plate…..”Elaine-9”. I am assuming the vanity plate means that her name is Elaine and she was born in 1909. That is the only explanation.

When Elaine-9 pulled out of the mall she drove straight down the middle of the two lanes of traffic. I don’t know if she possibly thought that the line was a guide for the middle of her car, but apparently that was what she was doing. As she started to make the left turn out of the parking lot, she stopped. She just stopped in the middle of traffic. With me behind her. In the middle of traffic. Finally, Elaine-9 summoned up the energy to pull the steering wheel far enough to the left to maneuver her car into the appropriate lane allowing me to finally get out of harms way.

As I passed Elaine-9 I got a look at her. She certainly looked like she could have been born in 1909. She was wrinkly and extremely small as if every year she had lived had taken an inch off of her.

I feel for the elderly who have to deal with the fact that they are losing their capabilities along with their freedom, but if you getting to go to the mall on your own means me getting killed in a car accident, well too bad, stay home.

So that was lunch yesterday. How was yours?

Weird

I was tagged by Wordnerd to spill the beans about five of my weird habits. I don’t know if the word “habit” would accurately explain these five things. They are more like weird inherent traits. I call them that because I have absolutely no control over them.

1. I am obsessed with things being neat.

Okay, I know this doesn’t seem that weird but I think I border on OCD with this one. When I was in college and lived alone I couldn’t sit down to study for a test until my entire apartment was clean.

I could be sitting on the couch, studying for an anatomy exam and my eye would rest on a knick knack on a shelf. The knick knack would be about 2 inches too far to the left. I’d go back to studying. I’d look back up. I’d go back to studying. I couldn’t concentrate. All I could think about was that damn knick knack. Finally I’d get up and move it.

Of course by the time I’d get back to studying I’d notice something else and the process would start all over again. I finally decided that the best way to avoid this was just to go ahead and clean the entire apartment before studying. I know it sounds drastic, but it was the only way.

2. I get freaked out when someone touches my belly button.

I REALLY hate it. I’m not sure why. During…..you know…..my husband has been forewarned that there is a 2 inch comfort zone all the way around the belly button. If he starts to invade that space he is given a stern warning and if he actually touches it. Forget it. Mood broken.

3. I count stairs.

I suppose this is similar to Wordnerd counting the steps to her car, although she does this to avoid cracks. I on the other hand have a very real need to know how many steps there are when I am going up a staircase. Why? Don’t know.

In my last house there were 13 steps. In my new house there are 9, a landing, and then 5. The house I lived in as a kid had 17. The main stairs at my work have 12, a landing, and 12. The back stairs at my work have 13, a landing, and 13. I don’t think I should know this.

4. I am afraid of the beach at night.

This isn’t the normal, it’s dark and someone might come and kill me afraid. This is the it’s dark and if I turn my back on the ocean some undiscovered sea monster will emerge from the churning waters and eat me and no one will know what happened to me kind of afraid.

5. I like being sick.

Now you are proabaly thinking, "She really is a nutcase." But please realize this isn’t the, I have Munchausen’s Syndrome and want to hurt my kids or I’m some kind of hypochondriac and want some deadly disease kind of thing. This is the, I’m really tired and stressed and worn out and isn’t a cold great so that my husband will bring me chicken soup and watch the kids and I can stay in bed all day and watch TV and read books kind of thing.

So those are my five weird things. If you don’t know me and you read this you are probably assuming that I am an OCD and phobia-ridden hypochondriac. It’s scary how close to the truth that really is!

Okay, now to spread the joy. I am tagging:

PreppyGirl

Princess

Shari

Nilo

Kurt

TV Is Rotting My Brain

Why do I watch stupid television shows? Why? At the time I’m watching I think to myself, “This is completely ridiculous!” Yet I still watch.

Example:

Invasion

Sorry to those of you who like this show. I like this show, but it is stupid.

On the last episode one of the characters was talking to his current wife. She was upset because he had been spending too much time with his ex-wife. Here’s his explanation.

“Honey, it’s not what you think. I’ve been spending this extra time with Mariel because Tom may not be human anymore. When his plane crashed the things in the water attacked him and changed his genetic code. Now Mariel is one of them too, but she is fighting it. I’m trying to help her, for the kids’ sake. These hybrids have been known to kill. She needs my help.”

WHAT??!!!

Here’s the stupidity. If I knew my husband was attacked by aliens and he was no longer human and there was a history of these hybrid beings killing their children I wouldn’t be hanging around. Sorry honey.

And how did the actor even get that out with a straight face? How many takes did they have to do? I would have been like, "Listen. Mr. Director. I can't say this. This is just really stupid. I know you're paying me and all, but man.....what the hell were the writers thinking?"

Okay, next show….

Skating with Celebrities

Yep. I watched it. Why? Not really sure. Maybe it was that ‘looking at a train wreck’ mentality. Here’s the really sad part. Most of these people could barely skate. At times there were arms flailing and feet shuffling and looks of horror across the celebrities’ faces but yet, when it was all over, the judges said, “Great job. That was really entertaining.”

WHAT??!!!

No. No it wasn’t. Here’s what I would have said if I where the judge:

“Todd Bridges, what the hell made you think you could skate? At least Jillian Barberi skated as a child and if nothing else we can look at her boobs. But you, what have you got to offer? That sucked. I was embarrassed not only for you but your family. Seriously. It was just sad. And since when does being in a 70’s sitcom make you a celebrity? (turning to the producers) How deep in the barrel did we have to go before we got him? Why the hell did you think this was a good idea? What the hell am I doing here? I’m out. (storming off the set)

Well, actually, I would have never agreed to be on that show. But if I had I would have said that.

And you’re wondering if I’ll be watching next week.

Ummm……

*hanging head*

Yes.

Help Please

I try to be nice and link to other blogs and what does it get me??? My entire sidebar is now at the bottom of the page. Why? Don't know. All I did was add the link. I didn't touch anything else. So Adam, it was your blog I linked too....any suggestions?

*sigh*

Questions Answered

First let me start by saying, “You guys rock!” Seriously. Thanks for all the recent comments and feedback. I was pleasantly surprised with all the questions and suggestions for a post, so I’m going to address some of those now.

1. Explain any wacky secret theories you may have about life, or self-help books, or movies, or chocolate, etc. (submitted by Sleepless Mama)

Wow! What a question. Where to start?

I already explained Sherri’s Theory of Relativity in a previous post, so I’ll be lazy and link that here.

It’s funny that you mentioned self-help books. I have actually tried to write one several times. Basically it would have been one of those, how to be more organized-deal with stress-lead a happier and better life books. But of course I was so unorganized, stressed out and miserable that I never got past the first page. Do you see the irony here?

I actually think self-help books are over-rated. Most of this stuff is common sense, but over course it takes some over-paid, self-important yahoo to tell us these basic life skills (that, of course, we already know) before we will use what we already know. (Did you notice how many hyphens were in that paragraph? Is the use of hyphens directly proportional to the need to use more hyphens in the future? Maybe another theory is brewing here!)

Okay, moving on….

Movies. I love movies. But I think we need to be careful. Movies have much more power than we give them credit. They shape what becomes accepted in society and also influence the actions of our youth. People who don’t think they do are living in a fantasy world.

Chocolate. The world’s most perfect food. Need I say more?

2. What does the name ‘Kennedy’ mean to you? (submitted by Adam the uber god)

When I think of the name Kennedy I initially think of a dream lost. I was born seven years after Kennedy was assassinated so I never had the opportunity to personally experience the Camelot years. But I do think that his history is taught with a sense of awe and hope of what could have been.

The name Kennedy also brings to mind the following words: scandal, controversy, old wind bag (can you guess which Kennedy I’m referring to there?), and of course American Royalty.

Well, that’s all I have time for today. I’ll try to address some more of your questions and comments. Keep them coming!

_____________________________________________

Nasty Salesman Update:

I can’t believe it! I got another nasty salesman call. Go figure.

This guy wanted to talk to my boss about collections. I kept telling him that collections was handled by our accounting department. He then insisted that he MUST speak to the owner of the company that someone below the owner couldn’t POSSIBLY make the decision to use his company. I told him my boss hires people to do these things for him, they are called “employees”.

Yes, You Are Here To Amuse Me

First let me say thank you to those of you who have provided suggestions for future posts. I greatly appreciate it. I will tackle Kingfisher’s MILF subject matter as soon as possible. But…..I actually have something to tell you today.

I usually receive four or five calls a day from different companies wanting to do business with my boss. I have specific instructions that if he doesn’t know them to throw the message away. This one guy has been calling every other day. Finally I started to feel sorry for the guy.

“Good Morning, Big Boss Man’s Office, this is Sherri,” I answered pleasantly.

“Yes, May I speak to Big Boss Man, please?”

“I’m sorry. He’s out of the office. May I take a message?” I asked.

“Thanks. This is Pushy Salesman from XYZ Company. I’m just following up on some literature I sent to Big Boss Man last week. I’ve called several times but haven’t heard back.”

Okay. I remembered this guy. He had called about four times before. I knew he wanted to talk to my boss, but I figured I’d save him a little time.

“Oh hi, Pushy. I remember you. Do you have some specific information I could relay to Big Boss Man about your call.”

I figured if I could find out specifically why he was calling I could then let him know that we weren’t interested.

“No. The information I have to give to Big Boss Man is from our Mergers and Acquisitions Department and it is private proprietary information from some interested buyers.”

Okay, I KNOW that our company is not for sale so I figure I’ll help the guy out. Not trying to sound completely rude I try to soften the blow with words like “probably” and a little laugh in my voice.

“Well, Pushy, just to save you some time, I do know that our company is not for sale so that’s probably why Big Boss Man hasn’t gotten back to you,” I relay (with aforementioned laugh in my voice).

“Well, you said probably so you aren’t sure. Just give him the message,” he snaps.

He’s pissing me off. I HATE when salesmen think they can be rude to me to get through to my boss. So the wrong tactic.

“No, actually I am sure,” I reply (once again with a polite, pleasant laugh in my voice even though he’s pissed me off. FYI - Think a smiling phone voice not a hysterical maniacal laugh).

And he replies……

“What?! Do I sound like Joe Pesci to you?! Do you think I’m funny! There sure is a lot of laughing going on over there! Just give him the message!” he shouts, without a HINT of laughter.

HUH?

Is he actually wanting something from me and being rude?

Before I could reply he hung up.

What a jackass.

Milestones

Well, my faithful readers (or unfaithful, I know some of you cheat on me with other blogs!)....anyway, it seems I have reached a milestone...

Over 10,000 hits on my site!

I think that's pretty cool.

I am also precariously close to 200 posts, but that's going to take another week or two to reach.

I look back over the past 9 months of posting my thoughts, ideas and experiences and realize that when this started it was out of boredom. Now it's more out of habit and need.

I love being able to put things out there and hear what you all think about it. Some of you affect my opinions and actions more than you know. Thanks for being there over these past months. It is amazing how much has happened.

It is also amazing what is about to happen.

The Navy has decided that my husband would better serve them in Jacksonville, Florida rather than here in the Great White North (or the Barren Lands as I sometimes like to call it). So we are awaiting the official word, but rumor has it that we will be moving sometime in June.

So, if I end up getting a house with a pool you are all invited. I'll keep you posted.

Finally, as I mentioned I am very close to 200 posts and I find that I seem to be running out of things to say lately, so I have a bit of homework for you. Will you all please post a question or a topic in the comments section? I'll try to respond with a post to each of you. Thank you for your help!

Oh, the Irony!

It's funny how you say something, not realizing that it's about to happen.

Remember my post from the other day, when I just happened to mention that I am broke and bought groceries with my credit card?

(Let me first preface this post with a disclaimer: I am not really "broke". I make enough money to pay my bills with a little left over for the occasional dinner out, etc. The problem is that I usually schedule my bills to be paid before all the money is actually in my account usually rendering me "broke" for two or three days waiting for my windfall. With that said, back to the post...)

Well, I went to the grocery store at lunch today to buy a few things. My husband is in Virginia at a class and I am already worn out from the kids and couldn't bear to drag the two of them around the store after a long day at work. I get to the check-out counter, glance behind me and who do I see? A guy from work.

He tries to be funny and puts his soup and sandwich with my groceries as if I'm going to buy it. Ha. Ha. We exchange pleasantries and then stand there as my items are rung up.

"Ma'am, your card is declined," the clerk said to me.

Huh???? I just got money out yesterday and had over $400.00.

Well, apparently my husband had scheduled a few bills that all but wiped out the account. I was penniless. And I was standing at the check out. With all my groceries already bagged. With someone I work with standing behind me.

Now I had two options. I could use one of my credit cards, but I wasn't sure which one had any money on it. I was scared to risk having another card declined. I don't think I could bear it. So I opted for my other option...

"I'm so sorry," I apologized to the clerk. "I guess you'll have to put it all back."

As the words are barely out of my mouth my co-worker reaches in front of me and swipes his bank card and pays for my groceries. I just looked at him in disbelief. I know I should be appreciative, but I was EMBARRASSED! I suppose it would have been more embarrasing to walk out of the store with my groceries still sitting in the cart, but at least none of those people know me.

So I went back to work, tail between my legs, thankful to Brad that my kids have their fruit snacks and more importantly, I can snack on my Double Dutch Chocolate Muffin.

Oh yeah, and I owe him $65.00.

So now, as we review, the words of my past haunt me. 'I bought groceries with my credit card.'

I was too poor to do even that.

I bought groceries with someone else's credit card!

Um....Yeah.....

My boss received a beautiful glossy catalogue from a realtor in Palm Beach, Florida. He is looking to possibly purchase another house. (For those of you who don't know, my boss is worth several 100 million) Being from South Florida, I paged through the catalogue and recognized some of the more prominent homes in the area.

When my boss arrived at work I handed him the catalogue.

"This came for you," I said.

"Oh great, I can't wait to look through it," he replied.

"I took a peek at it. I actually recognized some of the homes from when I lived in Florida."

"Oh did you? Aren't some of them amazing? I just don't know where those people get all their money!" he exclaimed.

So would this be a good time to let my boss know:

- I bought groceries last month with my credit card because I am broke.

- His annual salary, excluding his company profits, is 17.55 times more than mine.

- My last real vacation was in the year 2000.

Probably not.

"Yeah. I just don't know either," I replied. "Some people are just really wealthy."

Underpaid

I have a challenge for you all:

Review your job duties at work, figure out how many full-time jobs you really do (I do the work of three people at my office), and calculate what your annual salary should be according to salary.com.

Here's mine:

Executive Assistant (My actual job title) - $45,010
Benefits Administrator (What I spend most of my time on - oh yeah, and I'm the only person at my company who does this) - $48,717
Website Content Manager (A "fun" collateral duty that fell in my lap) - $77,950

So technically I should be making $171,677 a year!!!

And my salary isn't even close.

Ugh.

Poop Report

The other day my husband was sick. For some reason my husband and I feel it necessary to share all of our odd bodily functions during illnesses. My husband proceeded to begin a story that I knew was going to end up with a graphic description of poo, so being the smartass I am, I began to jump up and down saying, "OOhhh! OOhhh! Tell me about your poo!"

So of course, he told me.

Not to be outdone, seeing my excitement, my three year old takes my hand and looks up at me grinning with pride, "Mommy, I pooped at school today, too!"

Bitchfest '06 - continued

Okay, I am sufficiently rested and hydrated. I am ready to continue...

Bitch #3

What the hell is up with the NFL? They have determined that only those fans attending the Super Bowl between the ages of 18 and 45 will be able to go onto the field while the Rolling Stones play the halftime show. Their excuse is that older fans may not be able to stand that long.

Ummmmm.....aren't the Rolling Stones themselves approximately 106?

Come on people! If I'm old and decrepit I'm going to know that I can't go out on the field. How about letting people use their judgment and fend for themselves. Geesh!

This portion of Bitchfest '06 brought to you by Lucky's Adult Book Store (I know, I know, but you have to take what you can get.)

Bitchfest '06

Prepare the soap box, I’m gettin’ on.

Okay. I have refrained from bitching about current events, etc. lately, but I can no longer hold my tongue. So, in order to do this right, I am presenting to you…dum da da dum da dum!!!!!

BITCHFEST ‘06

That’s right. Not only am I going to bitch about what is pissing me off, I am going to invite you, my wonderful readers, to join in. So, read about my pissy attitude and then please delight me with yours! Now, on with the show…

Bitch #1

David Letterman. Now I am all for voicing your opinion. That’s why we have this document called the Constitution and freedom of speech, blah, blah, blah. But….BUT…if you are going to voice an opinion Mr. Letterman, have some facts to back up your statements.

He invited Bill O’Reilly on his show and proceeded to try to tear him apart. He told O’Reilly that his show was neither “fair” nor “balanced” and when O’Reilly asked him to be specific Letterman said he didn’t know because he didn’t watch the show.

WTF???

How can you have an opinion about a television show you have never seen?

Bitch #2

The Media. Get the facts. That’s all I have to say. Confirm you stories before you run headlines like, “12 Miners Found Alive!” Jerks.

Okay, admittedly that was not THAT much bitching. But I am trying to work my way into the New Year a little at a time. I don't want to pull a valuable bitch muscle you know. Then I might not be able to bitch for the entire season. And then of course, I'd lose my bitch sponsors.

This session of bitchfest '06 has been brought to you by Midol, Pamprin, and the letter K.

So....that’s all I have for today. Feel free to agree or disagree, it’s your right.

Farewell Dinner

Well, here we are, officially a few days into the New Year and already the resolutions have been made, broken and remade.

It’s just sad how easily I can break my New Year’s resolutions. And it’s the same every year – to be healthier, eat better and work out more. Why am I even surprised that I fail?

This year, in an attempt to be completely ready and fully committed to my new, healthy lifestyle, I went out to dinner on New Year’s Eve. This was an attempt to eat all of the fattening, favorite things that I will be denied over the next few months. It was my way of saying, “Farewell fatty foods, you have been good to me, but alas, I must deny myself of you for a short while.”

The dinner started out with a wonderful Caramel Appletini. Um…Yummy! That’s all I have to say about that one.

Next was cheese sticks. More of a bar food appetizer, but my husband's favorite, so that’s what we had. I think the restaurant was aware of our impending resolution (yep…talked the husband into being “healthy” too) and the order had 14 cheese sticks in it. Now, I have never, NEVER, gotten that many cheese sticks in an order, and I’m pretty sure I’ve never eaten more than three or four in a sitting, but wouldn’t you know, we polished them off.

Next were two cheddar bay biscuits (yes, it was Red Lobster) and a Caesar salad with baby shrimp, which was just a precursor to dinner. Oh my glorious dinner, how I loved thee!

First I must say that whoever created the “create your own holiday platter” is a genius. I may give them my Nobel Prize. Seriously.

I ordered snow crab legs, coconut shrimp, stuffed mushrooms and a baked potato. So good. I didn’t finish it all, but I put a huge dent in it.

Of course no fatty dinner is complete without dessert. Charlie and I shared a brownie sundae (or to you Red Lobster fans, the Fudge Overboard).

As we left I was feeling fat and happy. Ready to start my New Year’s resolution at the stroke of midnight.

But then I felt sick. Oh I felt bad. Too much food. Too much fat.

Have you ever felt drunk on food? You get light-headed, a little woozy and start to feel like you can’t think straight? Yep, that was me.

I think this is how it went in my body:

“Brain, this is stomach control. We have an issue here.”

“Stomach control, this is brain. Go ahead.”

“Well, it seems like Sherri has made another New Year’s resolution and is eating herself silly. What should we do?”

“Just keep me apprised of the situation, stomach control, and we’ll play it by ear.”

Enter cheesesticks.

“What the…? Did you see that? I counted at least six, no seven cheese sticks! What is she thinking?”

Enter biscuits, salad and the beginnings of dinner.

“Brain, this is stomach control again. We have a real situation. I don’t think we can take much more. We are dangerously close to maximum capacity. We may have to abort.”

“NO! No abort. The last time we did that in public was 1974. I don’t want a repeat.”

“But what should I do? I’m swimming in drawn butter.”

“Alright stomach control. You have the go ahead to release the flatulence valve. But at least make it an SBD. She can blame it on the baby.”

“Roger that.”

Enter dessert.

“Brain! We need you now more than ever. Please advise! There’s just too much food here to process. What should we do?”

“Okay, here’s what you do. Shut down equilibrium, fine motor-functioning and at a last resort cognizant thought.”

“Thank you Brain. I think we’ll make it through another year.”

I know. You may think I’m silly, but I swear that’s what happens.

And you’re wondering if I kept my resolution right? Well……no. Not on the first or second day anyway. But today is the third day and the first day back at work, so as of 9:20am….success!

___________________________________

Watchful Woodsman Update:

The Watchful Woodsman was located late Saturday evening. He was lying face down in a very dark corner under the couch. He is currently in stable condition and foul play has not been ruled out. The small Megazord has been questioned and released. You will be updated as more information becomes available.

One More Year Down

Another year is about to come to a close. It seems that every year time flies by faster and faster and, of course, I have a theory on why that is.

Everyone assumes time is constant, that no matter what we are doing time is just sitting there ticking away, tick tock, tick tock, as consistent and reliable as ever. I say, “Pshaw!” on your naïve notion of time! (Well, I don’t really say ‘pshaw’, it just sounded like something I should say….Anyway….)

I believe that time is relative. It’s relative to your surroundings, what you are doing, and of course your personal point in your time. I present to you…..dum da da dum da da dum!!!! (that was supposed to be drums and fanfare – imagine confetti and streamers).....Sherri’s Theory of Relativity! Let me explain…

Ever notice how time really drags when you are doing something you hate? Or how time flies when you are having fun? (Cliché, I know).

And what about as you age? I know we have all heard ourselves say, “Gee, it seems like each year goes by faster than the last.” I am here to tell you that it does. Each year does goes by faster for each of us.

Consider your life being represented by a pie and each year is a piece. If you are three you have three big chunks, but if you are forty each year is one itty bitty slice, therefore, relative to you, each year you age makes each year smaller, therefore shorter and less monumental as the last.

See? I’m a genius! (Or quite possibly just stating the obvious.)

Regardless of my impending Nobel Prize for this monumental discovery, I hope you all have had a wonderful 2005, and if you haven’t, then here’s your opportunity for a fresh new start for 2006. Either way, I wish you all a very Happy New Year!

The Alternate Life of Christmas Toys

I have always believed that toys have an alternate life when humans are not around. When the movie Toy Story came out I went, “I knew it!” I guess maybe that’s why I never liked dolls. I was always convinced that they would come to life while I was sleeping and kill me.

Due to this “alternate life” of toys I am concerned about my kids and their Christmas presents. It has to be very difficult on the toys all being thrust into a new environment at the same time. They have to struggle to develop a hierarchy of power. They have to decide who is in charge and who will police the wayward toys. In fact, I think trouble may already be brewing.

Charlie, my 3 year old, asked for two Power Rangers Megazords which, of course, he got. The large Megazord seems pretty complacent, but I am not so sure about the small one. It is always lighting up with the siren blaring and it is forever losing pieces. I am not entirely convinced that this is by accident. The small Megazord may be a bad seed reminiscent of the Chucky movies. I found Charlie lying in bed Christmas night, tossing and turning, talking in his sleep, “No Mommy! That’s not how I like the Megazord! Put it together the other way!” Scary, huh?

Then there is the case of the missing Watchful Woodsman. Matthew, my 18 month old, loves Little People. He received the Watchful Woodsman set this year. I think the small Megazord may have taken him out because he has already gone missing. I suppose when you are trying to put yourself in power you should take out your most dangerous adversaries first. And I suppose the Watchful Woodsman would qualify. I mean, he does slay dragons.

In hopes to reunite our new Christmas toy family, Charlie and I sent Rodney Copperbottom (Robots movie) in search of the woodsman, but Rodney returned without his armor and missing part of his right arm. I’m not really sure how the fight went down or who was involved, but I think small Megazord is slowly bringing toys over to the dark side.

So far, all the little people animals are accounted for. I am going to keep a close watch on them because I fear for their safety. I think the small Megazord’s bloodlust is not even close to an end. Matthew and I constructed a corral made of all the little people fences that came with multiple sets. We have placed the stomping Brontosaurus and the Red Mystic Ranger on watch. Hopefully they will be able to keep the evil at bay.

Good luck to you all with your new Christmas toys. I hope they can coexist peacefully. For now, my house is on edge. But hopefully things will settle in soon. I’ll keep you updated on the Watchful Woodsman. Keep him in your prayers.

MERRY CHRISTMAS

To all my friends out there in cyberspace:

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

I hope you all have a very joyous holiday with those you love!

I'll see you next week.

~S

We Interupt Our Regularly Scheduled Blog....

All other posts and holiday events have been preempted by:

Dum da da dum da da dum dum

Dum da da dum da da dum dum

PRESSURE!

Yes, folks. That’s right. The pukes have hit again. What is up with this? I haven’t been sick with a flu for 5 years and then twice in 2 months? So unfair!

And you know what’s better then having the pukes? Having the pukes at work. That’s right. I’m at work.

Why, you ask?

Well, that’s because of the policy that you should stay home if you’re sick but if you really follow that policy and stay home you get in trouble. Oh…the irony!

So I am going to sit here and stare mindlessly at my computer and only do work if asked. The rest of the time I am going to look busy when people are around and hold my head in my hands when I’m alone.

BUT…..

Since I don’t want to seem like too much of a whiney baby, and in the spirit of Christmas, I am going to list all the wonderful things that are happening to me today:

1.

Well, there you go! Hope you have a great day.

Puke, Poop and Coughing....Oh My!

I haven’t posted in awhile and I am fully aware that I am slacking. I have been unseasonably busy at work. I thought the holidays were the time to slack. Apparently no one told my boss.

Besides my crazy work schedule I have been dealing with:

1. A pukey baby. I love him, but when they puke….not so cute. And of course he puked on the carpet the day after it was cleaned.

2. A ridiculous (eh hem…channeling Forrest Gump) “cough due to cold”. I have to continuously drink water so that I don’t get that tickle in my throat that throws me into a 10 minute coughing fit, but when the fit finally does hit I have drank so much water that I pee my pants before I can get to the bathroom. Seriously. It’s just gross. I mean who really wants to sit at work for 6 more hours with pee pee pants? Hmmmm???

3. Poop on my floor. My husband and I go to my work Christmas party (on a work night….ugh) and get home at 11:30. We are tired and ready to go to bed. So what happens? The toilet clogs. But not only does it clog, it overflows. And it wasn’t a #1 that stopped it up if you know what I mean. My husband is furiously plunging the toilet as the water quickly turns to brown and the stinky, murky, chunk-filled water starts its sickening descent onto the floor. I rush to the linen closet and pull out about 15 towels to stop the flow before it reaches the carpet. Just gross.

So that’s how my week has been. How’s yours going?

Oh….and Merry Christmas! :0)

Dear Northern Drivers

It appears we have a little problem. First let me say that, yes, it’s true that I am new to the North.

(Which was so blatantly pointed out to me yesterday by the gentleman who walked up to me at the gas station as I was shivering while pumping gas, pointed to my Florida plates and said, “Sure isn’t Florida, huh?” and then proceeded to walk off delivering to anyone in a 5 mile radius a cackle that was eerily reminiscent of Vincent Price in Thriller).

And being new to the North I will not claim to know everything about driving in snow. But people…..come on! If you have lived here for more than one winter you know that it is completely ridiculous that 3 days after a snow storm for the top of your car to still be covered with 4 inches of snow.

While this may not inconvenience you, it is quite possibly an inconvenience to me. First, I sincerely love being pelted by the snow that is so happily blowing off the roof of your car providing me with my very own personal blizzard on the way to work. Did you know that when it’s 15 degrees out that even if you are lucky enough to have wiper fluid that isn’t frozen, as soon as you try to clean your windshield little ice crystals form impairing your vision even more?

And you know what I like better than the “Made for Sherri mini-blizzard”? That would be when a giant chunk of ice rockets off the top of your car, does a triple axel and then proceeds to SMASH into my windshield. I must say that the car I almost sideswiped during this fun surprise certainly enjoyed it as much as I did!

So go to Wal-mart or K-mart or wherever you shop and buy a long handled broom and clean off your damn car. Jackass.

~S

I'm Slacking....I know...

I want to apologize to the 3 people who read this faithfully. I have been extremely busy with work, kids and life in general and when I finally do have time to write I am too tired to put a coherent sentence together.

I do have several stories to share with you and I promise before the week is out I will at least post one.

In the works:

- Stupid drivers and why you should have a permit to drive in the snow

- How drunken college kids are annoying

- Christmas shopping 101

Hope you are all enjoying this Christmas season.

~ S

It Seemed So Real

"So how old are you? 22?"

"Um, no." I replied. "I'm a bit older."

"25?"

"No."

"Higher?" He asked in disbelief.

I nodded my head.

"28?" His voice went an octive higher.

I shook my head this time and gave him that 'aren't I cute, can you really believe I'm this old when I look so good' smile.

"30????" He cried.

As I was about to open my mouth to give an affirmative reply it hit me.....I'm NOT 30. I'm 35. Oh shit!

And then I woke up.

It was a dream. An extremely vivid dream. But it is also the truth. I am shocked when people ask me my age and I have to reply '35'.

Frustration

I had one of those movie moments yesterday, and not in the good way. I guess the best way to characterize it would be as a Bridget Jones moment. You know where the likeable and plucky heroine fumbles at every turn. That was me…only noticeable less likeable and certainly not as plucky.

I had a doctor’s appointment yesterday. I had to sneak out of work early to get there on time. I ran up to the door with 5 minutes to spare feeling pretty good that I actually made it on time through rush hour traffic. I reached down to turn the handle and it didn't move. Huh?

I looked through the window and saw a woman typing at her computer.

Knock. Knock. I have an appointment.

She gave me the “one minute” finger and came to the door.

This office is closed. Your appointment is at our office at the hospital.

Now I NEVER make appointments at their office at the hospital. You have to pay for parking and walk about a half a mile to get there.

After much maneuvering and negotiating I got her to agree to talk to the doctor about squeezing me in to her completely booked schedule sometime in the next 3 months.

Great.

Off to the mall, shopping I must go. Did I mention that I hate shopping?

Part of my problem is I always know exactly what I want which is sometimes worse than having no clue as to what you want. When you don’t know what you want you can browse and when something catches your eye you’re usually happy with your find. When you know exactly what you want they either have it or don’t.

I wanted either a gold or red sweater made of a heavy smooth fabric with a large, loose turtleneck and glitter specks. I know, a little too precise. But I would have taken something close.

There was nothing. NOTHING!

Well, nothing if you consider nothing consisting of holiday dresses that are so beaded I would need two other people to help me stay upright, tops with enough sequins to reflect moonlight into daylight, or hideous knit creations that even my grandma would have laughed at.

So I moved on to the next store. And the next. And the next.

Finally my feet were hurting so I sat down in the food court for some pizza. The pizza was pretty good. I started to feel a little better.

Okay, Sherri, you’ll be fine. I’m sure there’ll be something at the next store.

And just as I was feeling better I bit my lip.

Actually, I mauled my lip. I bit into it so deeply that blood was spurting out.

I trudged over to the next store, still fighting my frustrations from the day. I walked around aimlessly from rack to rack passing the same items two and three times. I was tired, I was cranky….I….I saw a sweater.

Not a holiday sweater, but one that I REALLY liked nonetheless.

Okay, I’m going to try it on. At least I’ll get one thing I like and salvage the night.

I tried on the sweater and it was at the borderline between really awesome and I wouldn’t be caught dead leaving the house in it. Do you know what I mean? It’s a decision that you can’t make on your own. You MUST have a girlfriend with you to give you feedback. I thought about asking a stranger, but figured they’d just lie to me.

As I took the sweater off, I realized that my black pants were covered with fuzz. And ladies, it was the kind of fuzz that you can’t wipe off. I was completely coated.

I threw my coat on over my now fuzz covered pants and decided I was going to leave the mall. As I was driving home I gave myself a pep talk.

It’s not that bad. You’re just frustrated from the day. Things will get better.

I decided I would hit one more store on the way home. I went in looked around, saw nothing and decided that I would just go home. I walked out to my car and as I opened the door I heard a pinging sound on the ground.

I looked down and there lying in the slush left from the melting snow was a button. A button off my coat to be precise. At that moment all the energy drained from me. The button on the ground just symbolized all the unfortunate events of my day.

I picked up the button and put it in my pocket and drove home.

So far.....

I have already dealt with today:

1. Traveling to work in the snow, while not such an unbelievable feat, is made more difficult by morons who can't seem to grasp the concept. I'm from Florida people, if I can do it so can you!

2. Gas related pain due to a banana....who knew?

3. A phone call from a terminated worker who, even though he was caught smoking pot, feels he was termed unfairly and his ex-boss should watch out or someone "might slit his throat."

4. An insurance company who terms my employees for no reason with no notice and when I ask them why they did it they can't give me a reason.

5. Frantic phone calls from people who want to make their problem my emergency. Sorry people...if you could have avoided it and it is happening to you because of your own stupidity...not my problem.

6. The dread of having to go to "THE" doctor today....UGH!

7. Bad Christmas music. Need I say more?

Old

I really don’t know what the deal is. I used to not have to worry about things like this, but I realize the older I get the more my body is just falling apart.

I have so many gray hairs I truly can’t keep up with the hair color.

I am sitting here right now in pain because I ate a banana. A freakin’ banana! And don’t think gallbladder you all-knowing ladies, cause I already had that removed.

UGH! Aging sucks. Why can’t we just get to a fully grown point and just stop there? Why do we have to reach a peak and then decline?

You spend your whole young life waiting to grow up and as soon as you are there…Bam! The jokes on you, you get old.

I can’t eat Mexican, Chinese or anything fried without pain. I drink wine I get heartburn. And let’s not even talk about other….um….lower functions. I just don’t think I can handle potty humor today.

And what’s with back pain and creaking joints?

So I trudged out to the car through the snow today, bundled up in my coat, scarf and gloves and dragged my old ass to work, feeling gassy and bloated because I ate a banana.

How are you?

Some Jobs Just Suck

Some jobs just have to suck, don’t they?

I have had my share of crappy jobs to be sure. And I am lucky enough to currently have a job that I actually like and it even pays enough to cover my bills, so I am not personally complaining (A first, I know.)

I am complaining for those less fortunate. For those individuals who when they took their jobs at a toll booth or a drive-thru thought, “Wow, this is gonna be great!” Only to eventually face the sad reality that their jobs suck.

The Pennsylvania Turnpike.

You know I had to bring it up, didn’t you? How must it suck to work in a toll booth? It’s cold in the winter and hot in the summer, you have to smell car exhaust and listen to the hum of traffic all day, and you have to deal with annoying people who (gasp) want change.

I know, I know. You work in a toll booth. The word toll is actually defined as a “fee”, which in turn means you have to take money. You should definitely be angry and show how inconvenienced you are when I ask you to count 6 quarters. The nerve of the motorist who actually returns the change you have given out in order to pay their toll.

Please look at me with disgust and shake your head as your shoulders heave with the big sigh you are expelling. I know your job sucks, its okay. You are entitled. I am truly a nuisance, cutting into your newspaper reading and abduction plotting time. I apologize.

Drive-thrus.

Yes, the infamous drive-thru. A necessary evil of our fast-paced life. Joe Pesci was certainly right when he stated the obvious fact, “They f*ck you in the drive-thru.” It is truly a time to be ever vigilant and on your guard.

I was lucky enough to visit Arby’s three nights ago.

“May I take your order?”

“Yes. I’ll have a number 1 and 2, both with curly fries and root beer, two kids chicken finger meals with curly fries and milk and an order of potato cakes.”

“That was a number 1 with a coke?”

“Um no. It was a number 1 and 2, both with curly fries and root beer, two kids chicken finger meals with curly fries and milk and an order of potato cakes.”

“So a number 1 and 2, a kids meal and a milk?”

I just drove around to the window. I figured we should just take care of this face to face.

I pull up and the window is open. A girl is starting at me and the guy I was talking to has his back to me. The guy says, “I can’t get this f*cking order. This stupid woman can figure out what she wants.”

Moi???

The girls eyes get really wide.

“Um…I think she’s right there,” the girl points at me.

The guy slowly turns around. His face turns red and he looks at me sheepishly.

“Hi, uh, sorry. What did you want again?”

I couldn’t even be mad. If I worked in a drive-thru I would probably hate all my customers too. Especially those minivan driving moms. Oh, aren’t they annoying!

I suppose they could have it worse....they could all be working at Wal-Mart.

Word Verification

Is it just me or has the word verification feature on blogger gotten a little ridiculous?

I think my last word verification entry looked a little something like this:



WTF???

(You get 5 points if you can decipher....discuss among yourselves.)

Imposter

I always feel like I'm a little kid masquerading in a grown-up's body. I suppose it stems back to when I was a child and I thought my parents knew everything. I thought that once you reached a certain age the mysteries of the universe would magically be revealed to you. If I had known how little they really knew I'm sure I would have been very afraid.

I realize, at 35, that I don't know jack. Seriously. There are days when I go, "Ohhh....so that's how you_______________." Fill in the blank with whatever you like. There is just so much that I don't know.

I think this feeling of being an imposter is most prevalent at work. I tend to feel like a little kid even though I know I am a confident and effective professional. It's funny to think that my first professional aspiration as a child was to be a genetic engineer. I had visions of working in a lab, dipping pipets into test tubes, looking into microscopes and curing disease.

MUWWAAHHHAAAHHHAAAAAA.

*Sigh. Deep Breath. Wipe Tear*

MUWWAAHHHAAAHHHAAAAAA.

Okay. Okay. I'm over my hysterical laughter.

Eventually I settled on psychology. This is how my years as a counselor went:

"I feel so alone," my client would lament. "It's like no one ever listens to me."

Gee, I wonder what's on TV tonight. Oh Shit. What we're they saying?

I finally found my attention span and I think I actually helped a few people, but I am still amazed that I got paid for what I did. Could you imagine if I was a doctor?

"Doctor, I hurt all over. What is wrong with me?" my patient asks.

"Well, I would say you have a bad case of Moh Rahn's Disease."

"OH NO! Is it serious?"

"No. You're just a moron!" HAHAHAHAHAHA.

See. I'm an imposter. A fake. Just a big kid in an adult's body.

And then there's the whole matter of me being a parent. I'm the authority now. I'm the adult with all the answers who supposedly knows all.

Crap. Guess I'll have to fake my way through that one too.

Random Thoughts

I feel like I don't have anything to say today yet I am compelled to write. Well, at least nothing that would qualify as a story or anecdote or at the very least, interesting. Instead I will regale you with the random thoughts that pop out of my head.

I want to buy Christmas presents for people I don't know. Do you ever do that? I think sometimes, "Ohhh....I should buy that for Mopey Chick, she'd love that plush Darth Vader M & M guy!" But I don't really know Mopey Chick. So it might be weird. I do that for my imaginary internet friends and sometimes celebritites too. I also imagine what I would buy for my family if money were no object. How about a private Rolling Stones conert, Lala???

When I drive to work on the Northeast extension sometimes I just want to scrape my car along the cement wall that seperates the North and Southbound lanes. I don't really want to mess up my car, I just want to see what will happen. I suppose I would probably end up dying in a fiery wreck, so I guess I'll just leave that to my imagination.

I wear high heels to work everyday. I hate heels. I don't know why I wear them. Probably because I feel like all other types of shoes make me look like a dumpy schoolmarm. My legs hurt. I will probably have vericose veins when I am old.

I have tons of ideas about things to write about at night, but I'm too lazy and/or too tired to get up and write. I would get a tape recorder to quickly capture my thoughts but I'm afraid my husband will think I'm nuts. Sometimes I don't think he really gets my creative side.

I like to dance when I am alone in my house. I just jump around like I'm spastic and retarded. I suppose this would be good exercise if I could actually keep it up for more than a few minutes, but I am really out of shape. Sometimes I think I should tape myself because it's probably hysterical, but I am scared that it might be just plain sad.

I am stopped at every turn by my lack of money. I don't mean to say that I am unhappy or ungrateful for what I have, I just mean that there are basic things I want to do, but I can't because money is so tight. For example, I want to paint my bedroom, but I have to wait until my next payday to buy the paint. Paint's not that expensive, but the money we have currently is budgeted for groceries and bills. I hate being on a budget. I don't need to be rich, I just want to be able to go to the store and buy the few things I want when I want them.

I guess that's all for now. I know this post was a jumbled mess. I will try to be more organized for you tomorrow.

Holiday Shopping and Serial Killer Update

I hope you all had a nice Thanksgiving. I have an announcement.......

My Christmas shopping is DONE!!!

That's right. Finished. MWWAAAAHHHAAAAHAWHAWHHHAAAAA!!!!!

It is such a relief.

I know. You are thinking, so early? How did you do it? I just figured out what I wanted for everyone before I left the house and did a grab and run at the store.

Did I mention that I hate, HATE, Christmas shopping? I hate it.

I hate the commercialism, the music, the decorations, the PEOPLE, the pushing and shoving, the parking lots, and the frustration. Hate it.

So, I always try to finish before Thanksgiving so that I can miss the holiday rush. My husband's aunt called last night to ask what to get my boys. She then mentioned that she had to be at Best Buy by 3am. Now I don't know what she's saving by getting there that early, but I would probably pay that amount to NOT have to get there at 3am. I just don't get it.

I also hate the advertisers. You know, those sadistic people who advertise these awesome children's toys, your kid then begs for it, and you agree only to find out that they have really advertised four separate toys that cost about $50.00 each. UGH.

My shopping is done, my tree is up....all I have to do is wrap the presents and Christmas can just come on. I'm ready.

________________________________________

Serial Killer Update....

The Toll Booth Serial Killer has been down graded to "Creepy Toll Booth Guy". This occurred early Friday morning.

He was in my lane and as usual and said, "It's great to see you. You look fabulous today."

Instead of freezing in terror as I usually do, I said, "Do you say that to everyone?"

As I said this I noticed, for the first time, a wedding ring. He's married!

"No," he replied. "I only say that to the pretty girls like you."

Okay. So maybe not serial killer material, but definitely creepy. And I wish I could see what his wife looks like.

Ghost

I saw a ghost.

I don’t really expect anyone to believe me. I didn’t believe my eyes at first. But I did.

I am ever the skeptic. I tend to look for a scientific reason when things happen. While I do believe in God unquestionably, I tend to look at creation in a more “intelligent design” way. I think that God had a hand in the natural evolution of the world that we live in today.

I suppose it is this belief in God and my faith in the unseen that will let me accept, in my critical mind, that I saw a ghost. It’s funny, when you tell someone this, they tend to think you are a little crazy.

If you believe in heaven and hell, and you believe in angels and demons, why can’t ghosts walk the Earth? And if you believe ghosts are real, why can’t you believe that you can see one for yourself?

I guess because we like to believe that these things are out there, but they aren’t REALLY real. They are more like ideas. Not facts.

Oh, that house has a ghost in it? Cool.

Oh, there is a ghost standing in front of me? WTF!

I was driving home from work on Friday. I was around 5:30 and already completely dark this time of year. It was about 35 degrees outside. I was driving up the Northeast extension of the turnpike. A police car raced past me, lights flashing and siren blaring. The traffic slowed down to between 5 and 10 miles an hour.

It had been a long week. All I wanted to do was get home. I was tired and knew that I had to get the house picked up before our friends came over for dinner. I glanced at the side of the road for some reason, and out of the corner of my eye I saw something.

I looked more closely and there was a man walking toward the highway. He had sandy blonde hair and was wearing a yellow short-sleeved t-shirt and dark blue jeans, definitely not weather appropriate. Before I could think about how odd it was that he was there he vanished. He was just GONE.

My first thought was that I didn’t really see it. I must have thought I saw it. But I couldn’t think of any way to reason that it was something else.

I saw a man and then he just…..vanished.

I immediately felt a chill and goosebumps covered my body. I was sufficiently creeped out to say the least. I have heard that you can physically feel a ghost. I didn’t want to take any chances so I shouted, “Get out of my car!” and then I prayed.

If someone could have seen me I probably looked like a deranged schizophrenic, but I didn’t care. I guess because of my religious beliefs I don’t believe that ghosts are the Casper, fun-loving type. I’m more in the school of thought of ghosts being the Exorcist/Amityville Horror type. I’m pretty sure that a house would only have to say, “Get out!” to me one time and I’d say, “Oh, you want me to leave? Well, let me just get my purse and the place is all yours.” There wouldn’t be any hanging around on my part.

When I drove home yesterday I got a little agitated as I came to the spot where I saw the ghost. I really didn’t want to see it again. And I didn’t.

So I guess this is where the story ends. I’ll keep you posted.

NEW LINK!!!!

Attention all!

I have posted a new link to Word Nerd. Go read her blog. It is wickedly acidic with it's view of everyday humor and frustration. You'll love it!

How Far to Hell?

I have uttered the phrase “I’m in hell” or “This is hell” many times, but never did it seem more appropriate than when my husband and I were moving to Pennsylvania.

It has been almost two years since we drove from Mississippi to Pennsylvania. It took us three days to get there, mainly because I was 7 months pregnant and couldn’t drive for very long.

My husband was driving his truck and towing a U-haul trailer. Because of this, we decided we would forgo the shorter mountainous route and would travel East until we reached I-95 and then go North to our new home.

I was driving our van with our then two year old in the back and my ever-growing belly in front of me. To explain how difficult this was for me I must bore you with a few pregnancy details. I am NOT a good pregnant person. I tend to have many complications ranging from pre-eclampsia to gestational diabetes. When I drove my feet would swell and I would have unbelievably painful leg cramps.

We decided that we would only drive six hours a day for three days to make the trip easier on me, three hours in the morning and three hours in the evening. We would stop early, have a nice dinner and retire to a comfortable hotel. Even with all this planning the trip was miserable and painful.

As in the beginning of every long trip, when I pulled out of my mother’s driveway in Mississippi I set the trip odometer in my van. I like to gauge how far I’ve gone and how far I have left to go by it.

Sometime during the second day of our trip I was quickly fading. I knew I had to continue driving but I didn’t want to. My husband and I were using walkie talkies to communicate with each other because we weren’t getting new cell phones until we got to Pennsylvania.

“Honey, I am so tired,” I complained.

“I know you are, but you have to just keep going. We will stop soon, okay?” my husband asked.

“Okay. I can do it.”

So keep going I did, but not with out some serious mental complaining, and cursing, and asking God, WHY???

About that time we took a detour through a quiet country road. We were somewhere in either North Carolina or Virginia. The road was very windy and had a deep gully on the left side and a very high hill to the right. As we rounded a bend I noticed an old gas station in the gully. The paint was peeling and the walls looked as if a strong wind would knock them down. I then noticed the old sign. It had been a Shell gas station but the “S” was gone and the sign, towering high about the old station in big red letters read, “HELL”. For some reason I then looked down at my trip odometer and the mileage read 666. I shit you not. I walkie talkied my husband.

“Honey, apparently I am in hell,” I said.

“Complaining again?” he asked.

When I explained the details of my comment he didn’t believe me.

“Your odometer is NOT 666,” he said.

“It is. I swear! I was so freaked out I started praying,” I exclaimed.

True story.

(So mom, if you are reading this, just FYI – it is exactly 666 miles from your house to HELL.)

Annoyed

I am annoyed. ANNOYED I tell you! Why? Why you so boldly ask? Well, I'll tell you.

Why do I only make $2000 a year more than my boss's driver? I mean what exactly are the qualifications and training? I imagine the interview:

"So, it says here that you've had a motor vehicle operator's license since you were 16. Impressive. Most of our employees don't finish their formal training until they have finished college well into their 20's."

"Oh yes. I had my permit at 15, and of course my uncle Vinnie let me drive his car on some backroads when I was just 13."

"13! My you are a go-getter! And I see here that you have been opening doors for nearly your entire life. Stellar."

"Not only can I open doors, sir, I can do so with BOTH hands."

"An ambidextrous door opener! My! Isn't that capital! I must have you as my driver. You must start immediately!"

"Don't you want to hear about my errand running abilities?"

I mean come on people! I know the man is a professional. I understand that he deserves fair compensation. But I have a FREAKIN' MASTER'S DEGREE and I do essentially TWO jobs and am paid for ONE!

WTF???!!!

Stupidity

I am constantly amazed at the stupidity of people and what is considered “acceptable” in the workplace. I’m going to provide two examples for your reading enjoyment.

1. I received an insurance application sent from another office. By the time these particular items get to me they have already been reviewed and approved. I received an insurance application with the name Samuel L. Jackson on it. I suppose there could be an individual other than the actor Samuel L. Jackson with that name. But not only does the actor not work for us, no one with that name does either. Here’s what I received:

Samuel L. Jackson Mark Brown

So I guess Mark Brown thought it would be funny to pretend he was Samuel L. Jackson? And I guess the office in Florida thought that he didn’t need to fill out another form?

Just stupid.

2. I have to terminate insurance for employees when they leave. If I don't find out that they left from the division then we continue to pay for individuals that don't work for us. Probably not a good money saving practice.

I pay the bill and then send invoices to our different divisions in the amount that they owe to pay the corporate office back. I received a phone call yesterday.

“Hi Sherri. You billed me for John Brown in October for insurance. He was terminated in September.”

“I was unaware that he was terminated. You didn’t notify me.”

“I have to notify you?”

“Yes. If you don’t notify me that someone in Florida has been terminated, I, in Pennsylvania, have no way of knowing this.”

“Oh. I just thought you knew.”

What was I thinking?! Of course I should have known! Let me just lug my crystal ball out of my purse. Sorry boss, I can’t help you right now. I’m consulting my crystal ball to see who was terminated in Florida last week.

Stupid.

So, I in my glass house have to deal with these stupid people. Because you know I never make mistakes or do stupid things.

Sincerely,

Angelina Jolie Sherri

Playing Well

I had to “play well” at work today. By this, I mean that I had to pretend I wasn’t sick. I know…..strange, right? We are so used to pretending to be sick to get a day off? Who has to play well? Well, I do, because my boss is a germaphobe reminiscent of Niles Crane ala Frasier.

I came to work feeling pretty bad but knowing if I didn’t I would be too overwhelmed tomorrow to get anything done. I still have not caught up since my pseudovacation in October. I don’t know why it is, but if I have a little work, a little gets done. If I have a lot of work, a lot gets done. If I have an overwhelmingly impossible amount of work, I freeze and NOTHING gets done. I will actually sit and stare at the work, not knowing where to start until I spend about four hours triaging paperwork into must do, need to do and can wait until hell freezes over piles. I want to avoid this at all costs.

That is why I came in sick today. Because yesterday my boss sent me home. Don’t worry, he was nice about it. I left at 1pm. I decided that I felt like crap and was too hungry to drive the 40 minutes home on the interstate, so I was going to pick up some food beforehand and eat it on the way home. Did you know that you can literally drive for hours in any one direction in Pennsylvania and not find a fast food restaurant? It’s true.

I drove for about 20 minutes and didn’t find a drive-thru so I turned around and went in another direction. I just kept doing this, driving and turning around, refusing to get on the interstate and go home where I knew where the fast food restaurants are. It became my stubborn mission. I know you are probably saying, you don’t know where the fast food restaurants are by your work? No. No I don’t. Sue me.

Anyway, I finally found a Burger King, got some food, and drove home. I got there at 3:30. Still feeling crappy.

So I sat around watched 3 hours of some stupid bat cartoon with my son to keep him quiet because I just didn’t have the energy to chase him around. Then this morning came the decision. Go to work? Stay home? I knew I needed to go to work. I have always been trained to go to work, sick or not. So I came to work.

“How are you, Sherri?” my boss asked.

“I feel much better, thank you,” I replied as I stifled a cough.

Do you know how hard it is not to sniff in front of someone when you can feel mucus sliding down your face? It’s really horrible.

So anyway, the day is almost over. I am going to go home and collapse. My poor kids are going to get whatever frozen treat I microwave for them again tonight. I guess I’ll make up for it with vitamins and milk. Milk’s the perfect food, right?

So anyway, tomorrow I promise I will have something to write about other than vomit, throw up or being sick!

_________________________________

On a different note: Did you know that Dentyne has “Vanilla Ice” gum? What’s sad is I actually bought it and then realized I had bought something with “Vanilla Ice” on it.

"But mine’s different," he said. "It goes dum da da dum da da DA dum."

Throw Up

I know throw up probably isn't a great title for a post. It might make the reader a little wary of what is to follow. But that's what this post is about....throw up.

I did end up getting sicker following my last post. I in fact threw up for about 24 hours beginning in the wee hours of Sunday morning all the way through late Sunday night. I HATE throwing up.

My 3 year old, Charlie, can make himself throw up at will. After Charlie had been sick on Thursday, his baby brother began throwing up on Saturday. Not to be outdone, Charlie decided that he had to throw up too. My husband thought he was joking and held out a bowl that he had in the living room for the baby. Charlie leaned forward and out shot every bit of his supper.

I've never understood throwing up at will. Bulimics....I just don't get it. I mean, I can understand wanting to be thin, but I will do ANYTHING to avoid throwing up if I can.

I remember this one time that I was very sick. It was about a week before Christmas and my mom wanted to take my sister and me out to look at Christmas lights. I had eaten a Totino's pepperoni pizza for dinner. You know the frozen ones with the little square pieces of pepperoni on them? I think I was about 9 or 10.

We got in my mom's station wagon and rode into town. I can still remember the song on the radio. It was Queen...."Pressure, pressing down on you, pressing down on me....Do dum dum day...de day dum..."

Even at my young age I can remember thinking, "How appropriate. I'm about to hurl and this damn song is mocking me." Luckily I made it home, but I still had a long night of being sick in front of me. Remember those little square pieces of pepperoni???

As I hovered over a bucket that I had placed beside my bed, some 25 years later, I still heard that song in my head....dum da da dum da da dum dum...PRESSURE!

After all that, thankfully, I am beginning to feel better. I will brave the office tomorrow. I think this was the first full day of work I have missed in about 2 years.

But I did lose 5 pounds....I guess those bulimics know what they're doing after all.

Sick

There is truly nothing worse than having a sick child with the exception of having a sick child in your car, when you can’t stop because you are in heavy traffic, and they just keep getting sick, again and again, over and over, all over themselves, and you can’t stop, and you are still 45 minutes from home.

I picked the boys up from school yesterday. I arrived as usual, with one minute to spare sprinting up the front steps. I ran to the computer at the desk, the girl behind it shouting, “Hurry, hurry!” I clocked the kids out with seconds to spare. If you are late you get charged.

“I just wanted to let you know that Charlie threw up right before you got here. I don’t think he’s sick. He probably just ran around too much and got overheated,” the girl at the front desk tells me.

Charlie has been known to do that, sometimes he just throws up if he’s playing to hard and he tends to get car sick if he plays with toys in the car, so I wasn’t too worried.

“How are you feeling, Charlie?” I asked as I buckled him into his car seat.

“I’m okay, Mommy. I got sick at school.”

“I know baby. I love you.”

“I love you too, Mommy.”

So off we go on our way home. I call my husband to let him know we are on our way and discuss dinner. I tell him about Charlie and just about the time we are determining that he is probably not sick he throws up again.

“Uh oh. He’s getting sick again. I gotta go.” I tell my husband.

At the next stop light I turn on the light in the van and look back at Charlie. Shit. He is COVERED in puke. It is all over him. It’s dripping down his chin, on his clothes and all over the car seat.

“I don’t feel good, Mommy. You have to get home real fast okay?” he says.

It is just so sad and pathetic. Why is it kids are sweetest when they are sick?

“Okay baby. You just sit tight. Mommy will get you home as fast as she can.”

I had to open and close the window the entire way home. The smell was horrible, but it was cold outside and I didn’t want to freeze the kids. I almost got sick myself a few times.

A little closer to home I called my husband.

“How’s Charlie doing?” he asked.

“Let's put it this way.....I’m gonna call you when we pull into our neighborhood. I want you to meet me at the car with a towel and a bucket.”

"Um...okay...." he replies.

When we get home Charlie goes straight to the bathtub. Poor baby. He was sick all night, but seems to be doing better today.

Now it's my turn. I don't feel so good......

Bleach Humidifier and Serial Killer Update

I meant to post about this last week, but I got sidetracked.

One night last week I went upstairs to bed and thought, “Wow, my husband must have done a load of laundry.” The bleach smell was unbelievably strong. Then I walked into our room…..

Immediately my sinuses began to burn and my eyes began to water. What the hell was it?

My husband came upstairs and I asked him, “Why do I smell bleach so strongly?”

“Oh. I put bleach water in the humidifier to clean it.” It had been running for about an hour.

Now I don’t know if that is the way you are supposed to clean a humidifier, but I think expelling noxious gases into a closed room that you are about to sleep in is probably not a good idea.

“Oh God! I think I’m going to die,” I cough out.

“You’re not going to die.”

“Seriously, honey,” I plead. “You have got to do something about these fumes. I don’t want to die in my sleep.” I know, I’m a little dramatic.

“Okay, fine. I’ll open a window.”

So that is how we ended up sleeping with our windows open in 30 degree weather.

So how do you clean a humidifier? Cause if that’s the way, it is just stupid.

____________________________

Toll Booth Serial Killer Update:

Going through the toll booth today, I see him. That damn tan ball cap gives him away every time.

“Oh, I’m so glad to see you this morning. You look beautiful as always,” he says.

Shit. He is actually starting to remember me! It’s only a matter of days now until I disappear, I just know it.

“Um, thanks,” I reply and drive away.

Another opportunity wasted…..

Wilma Strikes Again

I just found out from one of my oldest friends that my childhood church in Lake Worth, Florida, Our Savior Lutheran, was destroyed by hurricane Wilma. My first inclination was to cry. I thought this was a little odd. I haven’t gone to that church for over 20 years, and I can’t even remember the last time it crossed my mind. But I am truly sad for the loss of something that held so many memories.

I was raised Lutheran. My father insisted on this. My mother is Catholic. I’m sure my father ranted and raved, as was his way, until my mother gave in. It was usually easier to accept defeat with my father then try to fight a losing battle.

This was one of the few places I can remember us going as a family, although I’m sure my father was absent more than he was present, my parents divorcing when I was four years old.

I attended the private school that was attached to the church. I started when I was only 3 in the Jr. Kindergarten program. I went to this school until I was 9 years old. I made some friends that I still keep in touch with.

I can remember sitting in chapel on Wednesdays. The pastor yelling as us because “The Lord’s Prayer is NOT a race children!” And how many Christmas pageants was I a donkey/shepherd/choir member/angel? (Never did get to be Mary).

The church had stain glass windows all the way around depicting passages from the bible. It was especially beautiful on a sunny day when sunlight would splash a rainbow of colors onto the floor. In later years they added an enormous pipe organ. I didn’t like it. I preferred the music the way it was before….simple.

I think that the church probably wasn’t as big as I remember, but to my child’s mind it was a cathedral. It was grand and regal.

I hope that it gets rebuilt.

_______________________________________

Now on a side note – tell me what you think about this:

My childhood church - destroyed by hurricane Wilma

My hometown - ravaged by hurricane Wilma

Cancun, my vacation destination – hit by hurricane Wilma (old Wilma gets around, huh?)

Dominican Republic, my alternate vacation destination – hit by a Tropical Storm

Paris, my alternate, alternate vacation destination – riots

Mississippi Gulf Coast, my last home – destroyed by hurricane Katrina

Meridian, Mississippi, where my family lives – Category One hurricane (Katrina) hits (this NEVER happens, by the way).

This ALL happens in a span of 2 months.

So…..is someone trying to tell me something?